Many fathers today are just as challenged as we are as men, so what do they have to give? Now when we go to a father with some troubles, he would have to be an exceedingly understanding and accomplished guy to help us out, and criticize constructively, guiding us to answers. Our biology is programmed to have us feeling LESS MASCULINE for even admitting we are challenged.Ĭlearly men are more challenged than ever before, even as women outdo them in academics, career, and virtually every other area but flatulence. It’s just that men are hard-wired to not complain, ask for help, or even admit to themselves that they need to improve at something. While that may surprise some, it doesn’t surprise me. It was that very week that I got together with my new friend, and told him I’d like to bounce some ideas off of him – the raw, uncensored guy who’s trying to make his own way in the world, and myself, the psychiatrist with the systems, methods, processes and technology for men that I’ve been getting out to the world – it would be a one-time teaming up as Brothers of a sort, tackling all the tough questions that men would never feel comfortable going to a woman (like their mother) for advice on, or even a mentor, coach, spiritual advisor, everyday friend, or even their own fathers.Ī recent study, like many coming out these days, says that it’s actually MEN who suffer more emotionally over relationship conflict and dating challenges, NOT WOMEN. The “other Paul” would soon be getting some advice from me, even as he drew me out of that kind of protective shell that keeps some of us not fully speaking our most candid opinions. Even one more person who’s in the shoes I used to occupy would make what I went through feel better.
It’s the next best thing though for me – to make sure that any guys I can find who really need what I wish I’d had could benefit. Instead, I had to always be the one to dive in first, get beat up, learn some valuable lessons, and help others (like my own brothers) who would follow after me.
A guy who had been through it all a few years before me, paved the way, and gotten some solid answers already to pass on to me.Īlas, I never had an older brother. He’d really get me in the the way I’d always understood my own younger brothers and tried to help them along.Īt the same time, an older brother wouldn’t be needy, or the type who would be more in a position of needing help or advice from me as opposed to coming from a place of being more of a giver. That would have been someone to go to for quick, honest advice, but a guy who would basically be of my same generation. I think I’d always wished I’d had an older brother of my own. I’m the oldest of a family of brothers, and even though my own father wasn’t around a lot, many of the questions and challenges I had growing up wouldn’t have been of the type I’d go to a father with anyway. I thought a great deal about what had been missing in my own life in younger years and one thing was always for sure: In return, sometimes he’d invite me to his city and give me a chance to see the wild life he was accustomed to. He’d then take bits and parts of it and tell other guys he knew. The longer I got to know this Paul guy, the more questions he would ask me about his own life. But with nothing for men and only men, it does a disservice to half of the human species. Most “advice” in the mainstream is gender neutral, or heavily favoring women’s empowerment… Certainly, guys’ fathers have been less involved in their lives for about a generation, and the mainstream media hasn’t done much at all to further the progress of men’s specific personal growth and romantic challenges. In short, we became fast friends, and some of the candid topics of our conversations got me thinking about what else men are missing in their lives these days.
In a world of image, and reputation, I didn’t care about his qualifications – he was one of the few guys I had met that are truly free to speak their mind no matter who’s listening. He was around my same age, was a Harvard graduate, had travelled widely and lived a lot of life. He doesn’t have any qualifications to teach or guide men in their behavior, love relationships or personal growth, except for his incredibly brutal honesty – and that goes a long way in my book. He was a bit eccentric, but unwittingly funny because of a natural tendency to say whatever was on the top of his mind, uncensored, unweighed or measured, but – it seemed to me – from the heart. It wasn’t that long ago when I encountered another guy named Paul. Your Father, Teachers, Mentors, Coaches, or Even Your Best Friends Paul Dobransky and Paul Janka – Brothersīrothers: Advice and Wisdom You Never Got From Paul Dobransky and Paul JankaĪrchive : Dr.